All people, messages, amounts and replies in these examples are fictional. Adapt the wording to your situation; no script guarantees a response.

Before you begin

Choose one incident you can describe without a diagnosis or a guess about motive. “When you joked about my job in front of our friends” is a usable starting point. “When you tried to humiliate me because you’re insecure” combines the event with an interpretation.

Pick a time when both of you can give the topic attention. If you feel threatened or routinely punished for raising concerns, the problem may require outside support; finding a softer sentence is not a reliable safety plan.

What to say: example wording

Describe the moment

“When you joked about my job at dinner, I felt embarrassed. I’d told you work was rough this week. Please don’t make that a joke in front of other people.”

Morgan names the event, the feeling and the request. The other person can understand what behavior is being discussed.

Open by text

“Something from last night has been sitting with me. The comment about my job hurt, and I’d like to talk about it. Are you free this evening?”

The text arranges a conversation rather than sending the entire argument in a long thread. You can also discuss it by text if that works better for both of you.

Ask for a repair

“It would help if you acknowledged it to me and stopped making that joke. I’m not asking you to explain anything to the whole group.”

Name what repair would help instead of asking them to guess. A repair is a request they can consider, not a guarantee that the hurt vanishes.

What not to say, and why

  • “You wanted to embarrass me.” Unless they said that, you are asserting an intention rather than describing the event.
  • “You always make me feel worthless.” Broad claims can bury the specific incident and the action you want changed.
  • “I shouldn’t have to tell you.” They may still need a clear account of what happened and what you need.
  • “Fine, forget it” when you intend to revisit it later. If you need a pause, say so directly.

How the other person might react

These are invented possibilities to prepare for, not predictions.

They say it was only a joke

“I understand you meant it as a joke. It still hurt, and I’m asking you not to joke about that part of my life.” Intent and impact can both be discussed.

They remember it differently

“We may remember the exact words differently. What stayed with me was my job being made into a joke in front of others.” If an important fact is disputed, clarify it without inventing a transcript.

They bring up something you did

“I’m willing to talk about that too. Could we finish this point, then make time for yours?” Do not demand that only your experience may be discussed, but keep the topics distinct.

Look for a specific response and follow-through

If they apologize, you can acknowledge it without claiming you feel fine immediately: “Thank you for hearing me. I may still need a little time.” If they disagree, decide whether there is a practical agreement you can make despite that disagreement.

Notice what happens next. A conversation is more useful when the relevant behavior changes. Repeating the same explanation to a simulation cannot establish whether the real relationship will change; that comes from real interactions and support.

Rehearse it first

Practice stating the event without guessing intent, then answering “I was only joking.” Keep the request specific enough that you can tell whether it was understood.

Pretake on iPhone lets you practice messages with AI and rewind to try different words. It is AI practice, not the real person; a simulated reply cannot tell you what they will think or say. Practice messages are never sent to them.

Try Pretake on iPhone

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Prefer a worksheet? Use the free conversation planner. Read how imported chat text is processed before bringing private context.